Brothers and sisters, if you are reading this, I KNOW your heart is in the game. You are willing to take the walk when asked. What follows is just some food for thought.
“Call me if you need anything.”
“I’m here for you”.
“I’ll make time if you need me!.”
“Let’s get together sometime”
We all say these things to our brothers and sisters. We want to believe that we are ready to help them, to provide an ear or a shoulder. Now, I know by and large, we are! We want those we love and depend on to be ok. We want them to continue on, and we want them to thrive. The problem with the way we go about it: IT DOESNT WORK!
When we say things like: call me if you need anything, or I’m here for you, the problem is that it leaves our brothers and sisters with the ball they just passed. They have to make the next move. Think back to a time when you could have really used some help, maybe you even beat around the bush about wanting it. Inevitably someone says: “ well call me if you need anything”. 9 times out of 10, I’m betting you never called. You passed the ball, it was given right back! Without validation, you tried to run with it yourself.
From experience, I know how hard it is to seek help, or even to admit that it’s needed! Even when the hardest step is accomplished, ANYTHING can make us fumble and quit. Knowing this, especially in ourselves, it’s VITAL to keep things moving upfield when we are trusted (and it truly is the ultimate trust) by our brother or sister that says they are not ok. This in and of itself can be a very touchy thing. Especially when the need for help is noticed and not explicitly mentioned.
So again I ask you, who’s holding the ball? Ultimately the ball is always in our brother or sisters court, but we don’t need to pass it right back.
“Ok, what’s on your mind?”
“I’m coming over, let’s get coffee!”
“Let’s set something up, when is good for you?”
These responses not only tell someone you are there for them, but you actually WANT to help. If we are going to pass the ball back, we need to show that we want it back! This could mean the world to someone going through a rough time.
I’m always up for a walk. When you feel lost, I’ll walk with you until you find your way. Ultimately, when someone asks for help, the ball is theirs to hold. When it’s passed to us, let’s pass it back in a better position.