When anxiety builds

Anxiety… we all experience some form from time to time. Sometimes it’s about a promotion, or a mortgage. This kind of anxiety is usually easy to manage. You are anxious about a promotional exam? You study harder. Anxious about your mortgage? Talk to a financial professional. These are normal situations that cause us to worry, followed up with what a rational person might do to fix the situation.

What happens, however, when you find yourself worrying about the small details of life and work? Maybe you, like me, suffer from some form of anxiety disorder. I know that it’s a struggle but there is help.

About me

I am a fireman and a paramedic. For me, I found (and sometimes still find) myself in a state of worry over the little things. For instance: If my crew went on a simple abdominal pain EMS run, my whole day would be ruined by a missed IV. I would feel down until the next time I was able to “redeem” myself. Lord help me if I missed again! If I was running a pumping exercise at the station, I would beat myself up about every little fault in my execution of a hydrant connection and getting positive water. Never mind the fact that I’m not even an engineer! Even down to a base level. If an interaction with a brother or sister ended with me being told a better way to do things or being told I didn’t do something right, I might find a situation that would allow me to do better so our last interaction would be positive in my favor. Eventually I realized that I couldn’t live like that forever.

Through counseling I discovered that I wasn’t upset about an IV or a conversation, I was struggling with my past (see my previous post Entitled my demons). I was worried about letting that little blonde haired girl and her family from my past down again. With help I am making huge strides I still make slip ups from time to time, sometimes more than I wish to admit. Every day isn’t puppies and rainbows, but by recognizing the problem, every day is a way to improve.

If this post made you say: “that sounds a lot like me!”, please understand that help is available, your brothers and sisters care, and you can get through this, and if you need a brothers advice on where to seek help, or what worked for me… let’s take a walk.

Published by Brian

I am a Fireman, Paramedic, Bagpiper, Husband, and Father. I made this site in order to bring awareness to mental health disorders and addiction issues with first responders.

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